Chris’ Eurovision Semi-Finals One Recap, Part Two

11. Ireland

A lot of people in the crowd are already booing. The song wouldn’t be half-bad if the fucking turkey puppet could sing in tune. I realize that Ireland isn’t even trying this year, but this is an absolute mess even as a joke tune. Irelande, nul pointe!

12. Andorra

Try following Dustin the Turkey, Gisela. Her outfit is horrible, and I think she’s wearing a plate on her head. Also, what did she do to her hair? What the hell? Man. I like the song, but she’s not doing it any it any favors tonight.

13. Bosnia and Herzegovina

This is staged like a joke song, and for all I know, the Bosnian lyrics are probably jokey too, but I gotta tell you: I love this song. I really do. Laka’s voice is a bit nasal, but I really don’t care. I’m rooting for bloc voting tonight.

14. Armenia

Sirusho oversang this by a mile, but “Qele Qele” a great song. I suspect it’ll do well, although that’s in part because Armenia always does well. If she goes through, I hope she dials it back a bit.

15. The Netherlands

The Greeks called. They want their entry back.

16. Finland

Sludgy Judas Priest-style metal. This sticks out of the competition like a swollen eyeball. Oh, Lordi, what hath thou wrought?

17. Romania

Here is your operatic entry for the night (ignoring Elnur’s little operatic vamp at the start of “Day After Day”). It reminds me a lot of from last year’s show, only… you know… good. I figure if makes it to the final, this will too.

18. Russia

Honestly, this year’s Eurovision is Dima Bilan’s to lose. I really can’t imagine him not winning. And to show he’s serious about the competition, he’s got Evgeni Plushenko ice skating to his song. Take that, Europe! Dima’s way pitchy, but I doubt that will affect the voting. Hopefully, he’ll have a better night on Saturday.

19. Greece

I love Kalomira olives! Actually, Kalomira is one of two Americans performing tonight (Isis Gee is the other). This is a fantastic number. I know Timbaland has worked with Dima Bilan, but this song reminds me of his production style a lot. (I am convinced, by the way, that Timbaland is a massive Eurovision fan.)

Now that the performances are done, Novak Djokovic comes out to kick off the voting. Here are my picks, in order of appearance:

  1. Israel
  2. Belgium (What King Kaufman calls the What the Heck Pick)
  3. Slovenia
  4. Norway
  5. Poland
  6. Bosnia and Herzegovina
  7. Armenia
  8. Romania
  9. Russia
  10. Greece

After the voting stops and the vote counting begins, we get a long performance by an act that apparently is shown on Serbian public television during pledge drives. Finally, we get to the results, and they’re a bit surprising:

  1. Greece
  2. Romania
  3. Bosnia and Herzegovina
  4. Finland… FINLAND?!!?
  5. Russia
  6. Israel
  7. Azerbaijan…!?
  8. Armenia
  9. Poland
  10. Norway

Well, there you go. As usual, I should never make picks on whims. Otherwise, I guess this was a pretty predictable finish, Finland notwithstanding. Even Azerbaijan I can understand a bit, but Finland? I wonder if Scandinavian bloc voting is going to start battling Eastern European bloc voting.

Anyway, that’s all for tonight. The second round is on Thursday, and I’ll be back then.