Things I Learned From the Bios of the Eurovision Entrants

An exciting night I know, but because we are providing a service to you, gentle reader, I spent my Saturday night reading through the bios submitted by this year’s Eurovision Song Contest entrants so you don’t have to.  Here’s what I have learned:

  • Poland’s Magdalena Tul and Belarus’s Anastasiya Vinnikova are the same person.
  • Albania’s Aurela Gace is NOT over 40.
  • Russia’s Alexej Vorobjov (note: YET ANOTHER SPELLING) describes himself as  “charismatic,” “great,” “incredible,” “rising star,” and “extraordinary.” He also has “high work ethics” and has won “every singing and dancing competition he ever entered.” He also cares about the children. I’d like to think that this is just overcompensating for limited English (there were several grammatical errors in his bio) or the work of the mad Head of the Russian delegation. I really hope his ego isn’t that big.
  • Finland’s Paradise Oskar’s Eurovision song was something he made up in improv, and the lyrics are meant to be ironic. He entered it in the Finnish competition just to get feedback and was stunned when he found out it was selected for the show. Ok, that is a good story, and it makes me like him a lot more. Still can’t stand the song though.
  • Iceland’s Matthias Matthiasson of Sjonni’s Friends “provides the comic relief.” There’s a shocker.
  • Greece’s Stereo Mike is a Senior Lecturer in the Music Department of the University of Westminster in London. We’ll be calling him Professor Stereo Mike from now on.
  • Bosnia & Herzogovina’s Dino Merlin wrote the lyrics to the Bosnia & Herzogovina national anthem.
  • Ukraine’s Mika Newton traveled to LA where she met “famous musician” and “legendary producer” Randy Jackson. She’s also “extremely talented and brilliant,” and is known in Ukraine as “the Queen of Soundtracks” because she has sung “in commercial videos for such products as Hubba Bubba and others.”
  • Bulgaria’s Poli Genova made Beyonce cry. It must have been a big deal for her, because she mentions it twice in her bio. Actually, that is pretty cool.
  • Denmark’s A Friend in London is big in Canada. Not to cast aspersions on Canada, but I wouldn’t exactly call that a ringing endorsement.