Things I Learned From the Bios of the 2012 Eurovision Entrants

As always, the bios that Eurovision entrants submit to are a fount of information about our contestants.  We here at EuroLemur have combed through them all. Here’s what I have learned:

Austria: Trackshittaz hope to “get not only Austria but all of Europe dancing with their boisterously youthful impetuosity.” Boisterously youthful impetuosity. Pretty literate for two guys from the sticks, eh? Their genre is “tractor gangster party rap.” Cuz girls think their tractor’s sexy.

Azerbaijan: Sabina Babayeva is a whirlwind of adjectives. She describes her music style as “striking but gentle, smooth yet powerful, emotional and appealing,” her vocals are “strong and groovy,” not to mention her “outstanding artistic charisma” and “huge experience.” Has she been reading Alexey Vorobiov’s bio?

Belgium: Iris is 17 years old, and according to her bio “She had been dreaming of singing at the Eurovision Song Contest since her childhood.” So she’s been dreaming of singing at Eurovision for 3 months?

Bulgaria: Other entrants take notice: “Sofi Marinova is an artist used to compete in song festivals and win them!” Loreen and the Babushki had better watch their backs.

Cyprus: Ivi Adamou has a Christmas album. It went gold. I find this information unsettling.

Denmark: Soluna Samay has performed as a busker since age 6. She found that wearing the General’s hat increased her cash flow.

Finland: According to Pernilla Karlsson, “När Jag Blundar was written for my mother… The song expresses gratitude for motherly love and understanding.” The song was written by her brother. <3 🙂

France: Anggun claims to be “the world’s most-played French-language singer.” Because David Guetta records in English.

Georgia: Anri Jokhadze has a 4 octave range. Thankfully he’s not using all of it during “I’m a joker.”

Greece: OMG, Eleftheria totally loves Eurovision! IKR?!

Iceland: Greta Salóme is a professional violinist in the Icelandic Symphony Orchestra. I wonder if doing Eurovision will help her move up to first chair?

Israel: Izabo describes itself as “a brilliant, action packed combination of Psychadelic Rock, Disco, Punk flavoured with Arabic spices.”

Italy: Nina Zilli tells us she “is a real tornado, a volcano.” Make up your mind, Nina, which one is it? Are we talking a waterspout or Kansas-style tornado like in The Wizard of Oz? Vesuvius? Mt. Saint Helens? Mauna Loa? What?!?

Romania. Mandinga is a mix of Cuban and Romanian musicians. Guess that explains why the Spanish sounded pretty good.

San Marino: Valentina Monetta has sung EVERY MUSIC GENRE KNOWN TO MAN. These include but are not limited to “Black Music vocals (R&B, Soul, Funky, Acid Jazz),” Hip Hop, jazz, bossa nova, bebop, Italian music, yé-yé (thanks to her work with Sylvie Vartan), and of course pop.

Serbia: Željko Joksimović was born on April 30, 1972. Hey, he’s older than us! (Barely!)

Slovakia: Max Jason Mai is a vegetarian and he doesn’t wear clothes made from leather because “he wouldn’t want to be a handbag either.”

Sweden: Loreen is not on Facebook. Valentina kept trying to friend her.

Switzerland: Sinplus wrote “Shoot,” “a track that became one of the official anthems of the 2009 World Hockey Championships.” Exactly how many anthems of the 2009 World Hockey Championships are there?

Ukraine: Gaitana is an “Official Friend of UEFA Euro 2012.” Good for her, but UEFA should be put on notice because “Official Friend” sounds seriously wrong.

United Kingdom: According to his bio, in the heyday of the late ’60s and early ’70s, Englebert Humperdinck “drove female fans wild.” It just goes to show, you do learn something new every day.