The Eurovision Song Contest is over for 2012, so it’s time for Eurovision Lemurs to hand out our annual superlatives. To make Tooji feel better, everyone’s a winner tonight.
- Best use of the pyro Bulgaria ended up not needing for the final: United Kingdom (Engelbert Humperdinck – “Love Will Set You Free”)
- Best performance by an act you forgot about later: Hungary (Compact Disco – “Sound of Our Hearts”)
- Best way to order a chai at Starbucks: Albania (Thanks to eurovicious) (Rona Nishliu – “Suus”)
- Best use of a Bedazzler: Lithuania (Donny Montell – “Love Is Blind”)
- Best shout out to Alexis Carrington: Bosnia and Herzegovina (Maya Sar – “Korake ti znam”)
- Most adorable grannies, oh my god they are so fucking CUTE, THEY BAKED COOKIES!!!!!: Russia (Buranovskiye Babushki – “Party for Everybody”)
- Best use of a Jonsi outside of Sigur Ros: Iceland (Greta Salóme and Jónsi – “Never Forget”)
- Best tribute to Nomi Malone: Cyprus (Ivi Adamou – “La La Love”)
- Best tribute to Jane Russell in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes: France (Anggun – “Echo (You and I)”)
- The annual award for most successful theft of France’s thunder: Italy (Nina Zilli – “L’amore è femmina (Out of Love)”)
- The Eric Saade Award for most palpable sense of relief at the end of the song: Estonia (Ott Lepland – “Kuula”)
- Worst birthday present: Tooji from Norway’s last place performance
- Best continuation of a proud tradition of bombing at Eurovision: Norway (Tooji – “Stay”)
- Best Hunger Games reference: Azerbaijan’s dress (Sabina Babayeva – “When the Music Dies”)
- Best musical representation of the premise for The Big Bang Theory: Romania (Mandinga – “Zaleilah”)
- Best epaulets: Denmark (Soluna Samay – “Should’ve Known Better”)
- The Svetlana Loboda Award for least subtle sexual innuendo: Greece (Eleftheria Eleftheriou – “Aphrodisiac”)
- Most likely to get there, popular: Sweden this time
- Best Hammer dance: Sweden (Loreen – “Euphoria”)
- Best 38 seconds of work: Sweden’s back-up dancer
- The First Annual Can Bonomo Award for most bad-ass staging: Turkey (Can Bonomo – “Love Me Back”)
- The Jóhanna Award for best performance by country that wants to do well without actually winning: Spain (Pastora Soler – “Quédate conmigo”)
- Biggest Eurogasm: Spain
- Best song the United Kingdom should have entered: Germany (Roman Lob – “Standing Still”)
- Biggest hint to the BBC that they should reconsider how they pick their Eurovision entries: Germany for the past three years
- Most adorable performer who isn’t a Russian granny: Germany
- Largest, most expressive feet: Malta (Kurt Calleja – “This Is the Night”)
- Best scream: Macedonia (Kaliopi – “Crno i belo”)
- Best tribute to Metropolis: Ireland
- The Amaury Vassili Award for wettest squib: Ireland (Jedward – “Waterline”)
- Best performance by Eurovision royalty who really deserves a better fate: Serbia (Željko Joksimović – “Nije ljubav stvar”)
- The Other Svetlana Loboda Award for “more is more” staging: Ukraine (Gaitana – “Be My Guest”)
- Best impression of the Squirrel Nut Zippers by a Colin Ferrell impersonator: Moldova (Pasha Parfeny – “Lăutar”)