May 7, 2017 Rehearsal Recap

Today, Ukraine and the Big Five get their second chance to rehearse on the big stage. Here are your Eurovision words for the day:

  • Mirrors
  • La scimmia nuda balla
  • Good luck, and don’t fuck it up

O.Torvald replaced the mountain props and the clocks in their chests from Ukraine’s national final with a big giant mirrored head. We are having a hard time connecting to this song, and the staging doesn’t help us.

Italy is using a tweaked version of Sanremo staging, including the break-dancing ape and the audience-friendly choreography. This week Francesco has solidified his standing as the Song Contest’s presumptive winner. His task between now and Saturday is to stay in the moment and not let the pressure get to him. Which is a Buddhist concept, after all.

There are not enough words in the English language to describe the existential horror one feels when enduring Spain. “Do It For Your Lover” makes us long for the slick professionalism and songcraft of “Cake to Bake.” The silver lining is that Spain has announced that for Eurovision 2018 it will revive Operación Triunfo, a selection format that resulted in a strong run of songs for them in 2002-2004. Doesn’t help us right now, though.

Germany has produced an inoffensive package, in grey tones, for a song that wasn’t memorable to begin with. With so much attention given to Spain’s awfulness, it’s easy to forget that it’s usually the mediocre song that lands at the bottom of the table. We can’t come up with one country that would include this in its Top 10. We think Germany could be looking at another nul points, not because it’s the worst, but because it has not given anyone a reason to vote for it.

It’s like the United Kingdom saw San Marino’s 2014 staging for “Maybe” and said to themselves, “You know, that actually was a good idea. It could really be something with a budget.” So UK made the fan mirrored, which reflects Lucie and the lights on the floor. To their credit, it is a unique stage picture this year. Our issue is with Lucie, who is a good singer but insists on treating Eurovision like it’s the West End. Not only is she singing “Never Give Up on You” like a showtune, word on the street is that she does not connect with the cameras. If Lucie only plays to the house, she’s not going to make the necessary connection with the viewers at home.

France, who before rehearsals was looking at a possible Top 10 finish, has disappointed. They kept the tango across Paris concept but have left out the tango dancers onstage. This is a huge unforced error. Alma sounds confident singing the song, but in the rehearsal footage she looks alone and exposed. France is going to need a camerawork miracle to make this succeed.

5 thoughts on “May 7, 2017 Rehearsal Recap”

  1. Love your work as ever…but Lucie makes a living from performing on the stage, so I don’t know why that’s a revelation.

    1. Oh, it’s not so much that it’s a revelation, it’s that she needs to understand that this is bigger than the West End. Sort of like how 3JS didn’t quite get Eurovision and did it as another concert.

      1. OK, I understand what you mean now. I’m sure I’ve read somewhere that Lucie has more work in a show lined up for the Autumn – I guess the fact that there’s no plan to record an album is quite telling.

  2. By the way, I am going to a Eurovision party on Saturday and the hosts have decided that the theme is ‘Germany 0 Points’…

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