Highlights from 2017

At the end of each Eurovision season, we take time to ask ourselves the big questions. Questions like, in a year of legitimately good songs, which song is the legitimately goodest? And, who was so clueless that they couldn’t find a clue in a basket marked “HERE ARE THE CLUES! CLUES RIGHT HERE!”? And, how many Koit gifs can one household generate?

The answer: a lot.

Biggest Misfire

For Our Consideration

Montenegro: Slavko Kalezić – “Space”
Czech Republic: Martina Bárta – “My Turn”
Macedonia: Jana Burčeska – “Dance Alone”
Ireland: Brendan Murray – “Dying to Try”
Germany: Levina – “Perfect Life”

Our Pick: Czech Republic. We felt that Czech Republic could have qualified with “My Turn” if they had come up with a more cohesive package. The juries ranked “My Turn” seventh, but it finished dead last with the public vote. Why? It may sound shallow to say that a costume cost Martina her qualification, but that unflattering gold suit destroyed Czech Republic’s stage picture. Showing the touching official video on the backdrop only accentuated how far off the mark her costume was.

Least Self-Aware

For Our Consideration

Malta: Claudia Faniello – “Breathlessly”
San Marino: Valentina Monetta & Jimmie Wilson – “Spirit of the Night”
Lithuania: Fusedmarc – “Rain of Revolution“

Our Pick: Lithuania. If you watched Fusedmarc’s performance at Lithuania’s national final and thought that all they needed to do to elevate their performance at the Eurovision Song Contest was to make the beating heart on the video backdrop more realistic looking and to glue extra long fingernails on lead singer Viktorija Ivanovskaja’s hands, then you may want to consider applying for a job on Lithuania’s creative team next year. Though they may want to think about taking their production into a different direction.

Legitimately Good Song

For Our Consideration

Finland: Norma John – “Blackbird”
Italy: Francesco Gabbani – “Occidentali’s Karma”
Portugal: Salvador Sobral – “Amar pelos dois”
Norway: JOWST feat. Aleksander Walmann – “Grab the Moment”
Belgium: Blanche – “City Lights”
Bulgaria: Kristian Kostov – “Beautiful Mess”
France: Alma – “Requiem”

Our Pick: Italy. We have listened to “Occidentali’s Karma” a lot since it won Sanremo, and we still love it. In our hearts, it overtakes “Shady Lady” as the best ever song that did not win Eurovision. At least it carries on a fine Italian tradition: “Nel blu, dipinto di blu (Volare)” only finished third in 1958 even though it has since become an iconic song. Side note: even though we aren’t fans of it, we are including “City Lights” on our list of candidates in recognition of how many people loved it. That fourth place finish is nothing to sniff at!

Campiest Performance

For Our Consideration

Montenegro: Slavko Kalezić – “Space”
San Marino: Valentina Monetta & Jimmie Wilson – “Spirit of the Night”
Estonia: Koit Toome and Laura – “Verona”
Croatia: Jacques Houdek – “My Friend”
Romania: Ilinca featuring Alex Florea – “Yodel It!”

Our Pick: Estonia. Eurovision is unpredictable. Had you asked us who was going to win this award before the Semifinals kicked off, we would have said Croatia in a heartbeat. If you had questioned us on this, we would have gotten very stabby indeed. But count us among the Eurovision diehards who were upset “Verona” languished in the Semis. Oh, “Verona” is a wondrous slice of cheese, a decent song made memorable by some serious emoting. It is kind of like the movie Valley of the Dolls, with Laura as Barbara Parkins and Koit as Patty Duke. It is delightful and will be a cult treasure for fans like us for years to come.

Biggest Diva Performance

For Our Consideration

Azerbaijan: DiHaj – “Skeletons”
Armenia: Artsvik – “Fly With Me”
Poland: Kasia Moś – “Flashlight”
Denmark: Anja – “Where I Am”
United Kingdom: Lucie Jones – “Never Give Up On You”
France: Alma – “Requiem”

Our Pick: No one. Diva is always the hardest category for us to pick. We limited our nominees to finalists, even though there were some plum candidates that did not make it out of the Semis. And yet, it’s hard to argue that this was a diva’s year. The most successful female artists on the night were Blanche from Belgium, who does not carry herself like a diva, and Ilinca from Romania, who is a powerhouse yodeler but was overshadowed a bit by her kissy-kissy duet partner. If we determined diva by results, we would go with Alma, who just missed out on the top 10 because the juries ranked “Requiem” low. But if we’re being honest, we don’t think anyone entered the pantheon this year.

2 thoughts on “Highlights from 2017”

  1. I went with Italy for the Campiest Performance. A dancing gorilla? Come on!!! And with all the rainbow stuff in the background graphics!

    Nice write up, anyway!

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