20. Sweden – Carola: “Invincible”

Well, of COURSE, Sweden’s entry sounds like ABBA. It ALWAYS sounds like ABBA. The singer has a long flowing train on her coat and the strongest jawline I’ve seen tonight. The song sucks, but it rhymes “invincible” with “insatiable,” so it’s got that going for it.

14. Turkey – Sibel Tüzün: “Süperstar”

Sexy trance dance beat to start, then a disco beat. The singer has lots of tattoos, but is sexy in a ’30s blonde-bombshell way. The stream is a bit blurry, though. I can tell that she has an enormous mouth. Non-English song, non-talented dancers. Best song on the night so far, although she got a bit shrill near the end.

13. Russia – Dima: “Never Let You Go”

That’s some mullet the singer has. Oddly enough, this has a generic Eastern Mediterranean pop sound to it, too. But with scratching. A woman painted in white came out of the piano through a pile of rose petals. That’s actually kinda awesome. Kinda. Why is there a number 13 on the singer’s wifebeater? [NOTE: Because he’s peforming 13th. Duh.]

Eurovision blogging

I wish I thought of this when the show started. Our story so far:

  1. Armenia (Andre: “Without Your Love”) – Generic Eastern Mediterranean pop. Blah.
  2. Bulgaria (Mariana Popova: “Let Me Cry”) – Stiff singer, decent song, bad back-up dancers.
  3. Slovenia (Anžej Dežan: “Mr Nobody”) – Good song, even if it’s generic Eurotrash discopop. More bad dancing. †
  4. Andorra (Jennifer: “Sense Tu”) – Non-English. Sounded like Vanilla Ninja. Even more bad dancing.
  5. Belarus (Polina Smolova: “Mum”) – Think of a hard-rocking Backstreet Boys with a female singer and ’80s clothing. Plus the back-ups almost dropped the singer when they lifted her.
  6. Albania (Luiz Ejlli: “Zjarr e Ftohtë”) – Ooo, traditional musicans. More generic Eastern Mediterranean pop, though. Not surprisingly, this is not in English.
  7. Belguim (Kate Ryan: “Je T’Adore”) – Ooo, fluorescent pink mike stands! Someone has heard the “Chess” album. Key lyric: “Je t’adore and I can’t conceal it.”
  8. Ireland (Brian Kennedy: “Every Song Is a Cry for Love”) – And every Irish entry is a cry for help. Awful.
  9. Cyprus (Annette Artani: “Why Angels Cry”) – Buxom singer. Flabby pop song.
  10. Monaco (Séverine Ferrer: “La CoCo-Dance”) – Had a Hawaiian theme. Grass skirts and everything. Lame. It was sung in French. [NOTE: Actually, it’s Tahitian. My bad.]
  11. Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia (Elena Risteska: “Ninanajna”) – Slutty. The singer, the music, the lyrics. Slutty. Kinda awesome, but only in a Britney Spears way.
  12. Poland (Ich Troje: “Follow My Heart”) – White tails on the piano player. Polish rapping, in a Real McCoy way. The male singer has green hair. The female singer is in a mask. It’s like Andrew Lloyd Webber did a song for Dead or Alive. ‡

† No, it’s a horrible song. What was I thinking?
‡ In a Real McCoy way because it was actually O-Jay from Real McCoy.