Eurovision 2021 Superlatives

It’s time once again to give out Eurovision Lemur’s Superlatives, the awards that capture all the magic of the Eurovision Song Contest! As Hot Chocolate once sang, everyone’s a winner. Although one act won a weeeeeeeee bit more than everyone else…

Best Fusion Cuisine: Cyprus
Elena Tsagrinou – “El Diablo”

The Second Annual Award That Shafts Albania By Placing Them Second In the Running Order: Albania
Anxhela Peristeri – “Karma”

Most Unlikely Weather Report for Spicy Season: Israel
Eden Alene – “Set Me Free”

The Frans Award for Not Caring But Really Caring: Belgium
Hooverphonic – “The Wrong Place”

Best Entry by Someone Who Doesn’t Wanna Put In: Russia
Manizha – “Russian Woman”

Manizha - Russia - Grand Final - Eurovision Song Contest 2021 - Rotterdam Ahoy — EBU / THOMAS HANSES
Photo by Thomas Hanses/EBU

Best Bilingual Kiss-off: Malta
Destiny – “Je Me Casse”

Most Touching Tour of Rotterdam’s Red Light District: Portugal
The Black Mamba – “Love Is on My Side”

Best Personification of a Belgrade River Club: Serbia
Hurricane – “Loco Loco”

The Andy Abraham Award for the Entry Least Deserving of Its Fate: United Kingdom
James Newman – “Embers”

Best Illustration of the Invisible Hand Theory: Greece
Stefania – “Last Dance”

Most Intergalactic: Switzerland
Gjon’s Tears – “Tout l’univers”

Most Planetary: Switzerland
Gjon’s Tears – “Tout l’univers”

The Can Bonomo Award for Most Bad-ass Staging: Iceland
Daði og Gagnamagnið – “10 Years”

¸Daði og Gagnamagnið, Iceland, Second Rehearsal, Rotterdam Ahoy, 13 May 2021 — EBU / THOMAS HANSES
Photo by Thomas Hanses/EBU

Best Performance by a Band from Their Hotel Rooms: Iceland
Daði og Gagnamagnið – “10 Years”

Best Performance Inside a Planetarium: Spain
Blas Cantó – “Voy a quedarme”

Best Reason to Not Upgrade Your Windows Software: Moldova
Natalia Gordienko – “Sugar”

The LT United Award for Most Self-Aware Entry: Germany
Jendrik – “I Don’t Feel Hate”

Best Wiggling with That Middle Finger: Finland
Blind Channel – “Dark Side”

Best Failure to Never Let That Middle Finger Wiggle Back: Germany
Sophia, the dancer in the hand costume in “I Don’t Feel Hate”

Best Musical Representation of the Premise to The Little Prince: Bulgaria
Victoria – “Growing Up Is Getting Old”

Best Dance Move for the Next Star Trek Convention: Lithuania
The Roop – “Discoteque”

Best Way to Get Your Chernobyl Rave Jumping: Ukraine
Go_A – “Shum”

Meilleure chanson avec un… Je ne sais quoi: France
Barbara Pravi – “Voilà”

The Annual Award for the Most Successful Theft of France’s Thunder: Italy
As usual.

Best Use of a Photocopier: Azerbaijan
Efendi – “Mata Hari”

Most Literal Staging: Norway
TIX – “Fallen Angel”

Most Effective Response to Anyone Who Unwittingly Tweets Stuff That Confirms the Biases That They Swear They Don’t Have: The Netherlands
Jeangu Macrooy – “Birth of a New Age”

Jeangu Macrooy - The Netherlands - Grand Final - Eurovision Song Contest 2021 - Rotterdam Ahoy — EBU / THOMAS HANSES
Photo by Thomas Hanses/EBU

Best Comeback to Anyone Who Makes Up Bullshit Rumors About You: Italy
Måneskin – “Zitti e buoni”

Best Update to Generic Russian Eurovision Entries: Sweden
Tusse – “Voices”

Freakiest Queen: San Marino
Senhit featuring Flo Rida – “Adrenalina”

Best Dry Run for Florida’s Entry in the American Song Contest: San Marino
Senhit featuring Flo Rida – “Adrenalina”

Most Likely to Get There, Popular: Italy

Måneskin won the Eurovision Song Contest 2021
Photo by Andres Putting/EBU

Featured photo by Jordy Brada/EBU

Eurovision 2019 Superlatives

It has been an amazing year for Eurovision and we’re kind of sad to see it come to an end for another year. Thankfully, the EBU had some jury errors to correct to keep the magic going a little longer.

As always, we like to help ease everyone’s post-Eurovision depression with our own awards to each and every finalist. Maybe this is just the fillip the United Kingdom needs to stop simultaneously feeling sorry for itself and thinking the world revolves around it!

Best Apple iPod Ad: Malta
Michela Pace – “Chameleon”

Best Attempt to Bring Back Gold Accessories: Albania
Jonida Maliqi – “Ktheju tokës”

Best Friend of a Friend of a Friend of a Friend of a Friend of a Friend:
Czech Republic

Lake Malawi – “Friend of a Friend”

Best Come Hither: Czech Republic
Lake Malawi – “Friend of a Friend”

Best Audition to Become Latisse Spokespeople: Germany
S!sters – “Sister”

Best Number from Anchorman! The Musical: Russia
Sergey Lazarev – “Scream”

Most Surprising Tribute to Tears for Fears’ Songs From the Big Chair: Denmark
Leonora – “Love Is Forever”

Most Essential Addition to Every National Broadcaster’s Classic Eurovision Camp Clip Package: San Marino
Serhat – “Say Na Na Na”

Best Way to Take Pride In Your Country’s New Name: North Macedonia
Tamara Todevska – “Proud”

Winner of the Jury Vote. Actual *WINNER* of the Actual Jury Vote:
North Macedonia
Tamara Todevska – “Proud”

Best Excuse to Quit Your Job in D.C. and Move to Sweden: Sweden
John Lundvik – “Too Late For Love”

Most Stubborn Refusal to Acknowledge the Cameras: Slovenia
Zala Kralj & Gašper Šantl – “Sebi”

Best Madonna Performance: Cyprus
Tamta – “Replay”

Best Internal Monologue While Playing Atari’s E.T. the Extraterrestrial:
The Netherlands

Duncan Laurence – “Arcade”


Best Party Like It’s 1799: Greece
Katerine Duska – “Better Love”

Best Performance by Sacha Baron Cohen as Freddie Mercury: Israel
Kobi Marimi – “Home”

Best Tutorial on How to Find Your Spirit Animal: Norway
KEiiNO – “Spirit In The Sky”

Most Misguided Assumption That People Somehow Vote Against You at Eurovision: United Kingdom
Michael Rice – “Bigger Than Us”

The Krista Siegfrids Award for Greatest Paragon of Restraint and Subtlety:

Hatari – “Hatrið Mun Sigra”

Best Entry Point Into the Wonderful, Mysterious World of BDSM (Because Eurovision Is a Family Show): Iceland
Hatari – “Hatrið Mun Sigra”

Most In Need of a Word to Rhyme with “This”: Estonia
Victor Crone – “Storm”

Most Ironic Song Title Given How It Finished: Belarus
Zena – “Like It”

Best Tribute to Elon Musk’s Twitter Timeline: Azerbaijan
Chingiz – “Truth”

Best Song by the Lovechild of Conchita Wurst and Krystle Carrington: France
Bilal Hassani – “Roi”

Best Bassline Ever at Eurovision: Italy
Mahmood – “Soldi”

Best Calling of Corners: Serbia
Nevena Božović – “Kruna”

Best Representation of the Plot to Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights: Switzerland
Luca Hänni – “She Got Me”

Best Use of Opera to Subdue Dementors: Australia
Kate Miller-Heidke – “Zero Gravity”

Most Puzzling Puppet Deployment Since Cosmos: Spain
Miki – “La Venda”

Special Bonus Award
Kseniya Simonova award for best use of Kseniya Simonova to distract you from a mediocre song: Moldova
Anna Odobescu – “Stay”

Most likely to get there, popular: The Netherlands, at long last!

Worth the wait!

Eurovision 2018 Superlatives

The last bit of confetti has fallen, the artists have gone home and all those stage props have been cast aside like a metaphor for post-Eurovision depression.

What better time for us to give out awards to all of this year’s finalists to acknowledge their hard work? The envelopes, please!

Most Contemporary Coffin Design: Ukraine
Melovin – “Under the Ladder”

Best Casting for a Flashback Scene in a Romantic Comedy Starring Rachel Weisz and Jeremy Sisto: Spain
Amaia & Alfred – “Tu canción”

Second Worst Interruption: Slovenia
Lea Sirk – “Hvala, ne!”

Best Musical Representation of the Ending of “Titanic”: Lithuania
Ieva Zasimauskaitė – “When We’re Old”

Winner of the Jury Vote. Actual *WINNER* of the Actual Jury Vote: Austria
Cesár Sampson – “Nobody But You”

Photo by: Thomas Hanses (

The Aliona Moon Award for Best Use of a Projection Dress to Distract You From a Mediocre Song: Estonia
Elina Nechayeva – “La forza”

Best Tutorial: Norway
Alexander Rybak – “That’s How You Write a Song”

Best Requiem, Brian Eno Edition: Portugal
Cláudia Pascoal – “O Jardim”

Queen of All Social Media and Conquerer of Jackasses: United Kingdom
SuRie – “Storm”

Best Use of a Kvinnaböske: Serbia
Sanja Ilić and Balkanika – “Nova deca”

Best Requiem, Ed Sheeran Edition: Germany
Michael Schulte – “You Let Me Walk Alone”

Song That Best Represents the Yearning American Gen Xers Feel When Driving By an Abandoned Shopping Center: Albania
Eugent Bushpepa – “Mall”

All politics is local
Photo by: Joanne S. Lawton (The Business Journals)

The Annual Award for the Most Successful Theft of France’s Thunder: Italy, as usual
Madame Monsieur – “Mercy”

Most Effective Combination of Choreography, Backpacks, and Painkillers: Czech Republic
Mikolas Josef – “Lie to Me”

Best Viking Invasion of Europe Ever: Denmark
Rasmussen – “Higher Ground”

Most Contemporary Menorah Design: Australia
Jessica Mauboy – “We Got Love”

We know that it has 10 branches. Work with us, people.
Photo by: Thomas Hanses (

The Other Svetlana Loboda Award for “More Is More” Staging: Finland
Saara Aalto – “Monsters”

Most Common Framework: Bulgaria
Equinox – “Bones”

Best “Noises Off” Revival: Moldova
DoReDos – “My Lucky Day”

The “Screw You, Guys, I’m Going Home” Award: Sweden
Benjamin Ingrosso – “Dance You Off”

Best Requiem, Pantera Edition: Hungary
AWS – “Viszlát nyár”

Best Response to the Latest Pokémon GO Update – Israel
Netta Barzilai – “Toy”

Song We Most Want to Hear Performed by Jim Beavers and Ilya Toshinsky at the Bluebird: Netherlands
Waylon – “Outlaw in ‘Em”

Best Soundtrack for Richard Curtis’ Next Film: Ireland
Ryan O’Shaughnessy – “Together”

Most In Need of Whiplash Treatment: Cyprus
Eleni Foureira – “Fuego”

Best Use of Seemingly Every Word In Every Language: Italy
Ermal Meta & Fabrizzio Moro – “Non mi avete fatto niente”

Special Bonus Award
Best Way to Order a Banh Mi: Armenia
Sevak – “Qami” … “Banh mi…. Banh miiiiiiiiii!”

Most likely to get there, popular: Israel

Photo by: Thomas Hanses (

Eurovision 2017 Superlatives

It’s time once again for Eurovision Lemurs to bestow honors on all of this year’s Eurovision Song Contest Grand Final contestants. Everyone is a winner tonight, to the chagrin of the Spanish voting public.

  • Winner of two tickets to the gun show: Israel (Imri – “I Feel Alive“)
  • The Johanna “And then there’s a dolphin” award: Poland (Kasia Moś – “Flashlight“)
  • Best mode of transportation to a steampunk winter wonderland in the clouds: Belarus (NAVI – “Historyja majho žyccia“)
  • Most effective self-censorship: Austria (Nathan Trent – “Running On Air“)

  • Handiest jive or jiviest hands: Armenia (Artsvik – “Fly With Me”)
  • Best family bonding exercise: Netherlands (OG3NE – “Light and Shadow“)
  • Best revival of the Running Man: Moldova (SunStroke Project – “Hey Mamma“)
  • Best proof that rap can work at Eurovision: Hungary (Joci Pápai – “Origo“)
  • Best fusion of human evolution and chakras: Italy (Francesco Gabbani – “Occidentali’s Karma“)
  • The Anja Nissen Award for the artist we’d most like to see return to Eurovision with a better song: Denmark (Anja Nissen – “Where I Am“)
  • Best throwback to when it was just a Song Contest: Portugal (Salvador Sobral – “Amar pelos dois“)
  • Best musical representation of the plot to Equus: Azerbaijan (DiHaj – “Skeletons“)
  • The Flygande Jacob award for two great tastes that shouldn’t taste great together but do: Croatia (Jacques Houdek – “My Friend“)
  • The Maria Yaremchuck award for best use of an exercise toy for a caged rodent: Australia (Isaiah – “Don’t Come Easy”)
  • Best homage to Jedward’s “Waterline”: Greece (Demy – “This Is Love“)
  • Best audition to be a Margaritaville house band: Spain (Manel Navarro – “Do It For Your Lover“)
  • Best outfit choices for Kylo Ren and Hoban Washburne when they want to hit the club: Norway (JOWST feat. Aleksander Walmann – “Grab the Moment“)
  • Best audition for the female lead in William and Kate: The Musical!: United Kingdom (Lucie Jones – “Never Give Up On You“)
  • Most successful sobriety test: Cyprus (Hovig – “Gravity“)
  • Best portrayal of the hope, the anticipation and then the ultimate disappointment of impotence (right down to the awkward kiss at the end): Romania (Ilinca featuring Alex Florea – “Yodel It!“)
  • Best song in the 21st slot of the 2017 Eurovision Song Contest: Germany (Levina – “Perfect Life“)
  • Most innovative way to shine a spotlight on the mosh pit: Ukraine (O.Torvald – “Time“)
  • Winner of the Eurovision Staring Contest: Belgium (Blanche – “City Lights“)
  • Best tribute to OK GO by frat boys: Sweden (Robin Bengtsson – “I Can’t Go On“)
Hey girl…..
  • Best love theme to every movie adaptation of a young adult romance novel ever: Bulgaria (Kristian Kostov – “Beautiful Mess“)
  • The annual award for the most successful theft of France’s thunder: the juries, who ranked “Requiem” in 18th place.
  • Most likely to get there, popular: Portugal
Also, most innovative millinery fashion!

Eurovision 2016 Superlatives

It’s time once again for us to pay tribute to the finalists in this year’s Eurovision Song Contest the best way we know how: with bitchy quips and references to Patty Duke and obscure 1950s sci-fi films.

  • Most Successful Pastiche of Annie, Freddie Mercury & Frieda from Peanuts: Belgium (Laura Tesoro – “What’s the Pressure”)
  • Best 8-Bit Stage Design: Czech Republic (Gabriela Gunčíková – “I Stand”)
  • Most Awkward 10 Seconds: Netherlands (Douwe Bob – “Slow Down”)
  • Best Use of Sale Items From Sports Authority’s Going Out of Business Sale: Azerbaijan (Samra – “Miracle”)
If this was an NFL team, it’d be called the Fire.
(Samra screenshot by Eurovision Lemurs)
  • The Sigh, So Dreamy Oh You Were Singing Something Award: Hungary (Freddie – “Pioneer”)
  • Best Array of Lawn Ornaments: Italy (Francesca Michielin – “No Degree of Separation”)
  • The Sparkle, Neely, Sparkle Award for Sparkle: Israel (Hovi Star – “Made of Stars”)
  • Best Innovation In Traffic Cop Uniform Technology: Bulgaria (Poli Genova – “If Love Was a Crime”)
  • The Frans Award for Not Caring But Really Caring: Sweden (Frans – “If I Were Sorry”)
  • Best Reason to Give Stefan Raab Millions of Euros to Run Your National Selection: Germany (Jamie-Lee – “Ghost”)
  • Most Successful Theft of Austria’s Thunder: France (Amir – “J’ai cherché”)
  • Best Tasting Schmaltz: Poland (Michał Szpak – “Color of Your Life”)
  • Best Musical Representation of What It Would Be Like to Be the Last Person to Own a Telephone: Australia (Dami Im – “Sound of Silence”)
  • Best Lupine Consolation Prize: Cyprus (Minus One – “Alter Ego”)
  • Most Creative Use of Bobby Pins: Serbia (Sanja Vučić ZAA – “Goodbye (Shelter)”)
What’s a grown woman doing with a bobby pin?
  • Most Donny Performance: Lithuania (Donny Montell – “I’ve Been Waiting for This Night”)
  • The 3+2 Award for Best Use of Costuming to Distract You From a Mediocre Song: Croatia (Nina Kraljić – “Lighthouse”)
  • Most In Need of a Balloon Boy, As It Turns Out: Russia (Sergey Lazarev – “You Are the Only One”)
  • Most Gasp-Worthy Death Drop: Spain (Barei – “Say Yay!”)
  • Second Best Eurovision Entry Ever Written By Aminata: Latvia (Justs – “Heartbeat”)
  • Best Song That’s Not About the War That’s About the War That’s Not About the War: Ukraine (Jamala – “1944”)
  • Best Homage to The Brain That Wouldn’t Die: Malta (Ira Losco – “Walk on Water”)
The Losco That Wouldn’t Die
(The Brain That Wouldn’t Die screenshot by Shock Till You Drop.
Ira Losco screenshot by Eurovision Lemurs)
  • Best Depiction of a Bad LSD Trip: Georgia (Nika Kocharov & Young Georgian Lolitaz – “Midnight Gold”)
  • Best Depiction of a Good LSD Trip: Austria (Zoë – “Loin d’ici”)
  • Best Theme to a Bromantic Comedy: United Kingdom (Joe and Jake – “You’re Not Alone”)
  • Winner of Eurovision’s Swimsuit Competition: Armenia (Iveta Mukuchyan – “LoveWave”)
  • Most Likely to Get There, Popular: Ukraine
She is the winner of Eurovision! She is! She is!
(Jamala screenshot by Eurovision Lemurs)

Eurovision 2015 Superlatives

It’s time once again for us to bestow honor upon all of the songs that competed for this year’s Eurovision title. Everyone’s a winner, which we hope will make Austria and Germany feel better.

  • Most reassuring statement to a spelunker: “When you’re down, down low and there’s no place you can go/When you’re down, down low, you know that I am here for you” (Slovenia, Maraaya – “Here for You”)
  • Annual award for most successful theft of France’s thunder: The dreaded number two slot (Lisa Angell – “N’oubliez pas”)
  • Best new motto for Israel tourism: “And before you leave, let us show you Tel Aviv”(Nadav Guedj – “Golden Boy”)
  • Best application of film noir mise-en-scène: Estonia (Elina Born & Stig Rästa – “Goodbye to Yesterday”)
  • Most “fun”: United Kingdom (Electro Velvet – “Still in Love with You”)
  • Most diasporaspastastic: Armenia (Genealogy – “Face the Shadow”)
  • Worst ability to control their adrenaline (or their hormones): Lithuania (Monika Linkytė & Vaidas Baumila – “This Time”)
  • Best song when the time has come for you to lip sync for your life: Serbia (Bojana Stamenov – “Beauty Never Lies”)
  • Best emo interpretation of “The Monster Mash”: Norway (Mørland & Debrah Scarlett – “A Monster Like Me”)
  • Most forgone conclusion: Sweden (Måns Zelmerlöw – “Heroes”)
  • Most sensitive ex-boyfriend: Cyprus (John Karayiannis – “One Thing I Should Have Done”)
  • Most casual evening stroll through a dystopian urban landscape: Australia (Guy Sebastian – “Tonight Again”)
  • Best template for Minecraft Eurovision: Belgium (Loïc Nottet – “Rhythm Inside”)
Get on this, Stampy Cat!
  • German-speaking country that was least deserving of its fate: (tieAustria and Germany
  • Worst Eurovision Lemurs prediction: In regards to Austria – “It’s a solid, respectable staging for a solid, respectable song that should give the hosts a solid, respectable result in the voting.” (The Makemakes – “I Am Yours”)
  • Best ability to sing during a hurricane: Greece (Maria Elena Kyriakou – “One Last Breath”)
  • Best new wedding dance craze: Montenegro (Knez – “Adio”)

  • Best Rorschach test (or worst, depending on how you look at it): Germany (Ann Sophie – “Black Smoke”)
  • Most helpful household tip: Poland, showing everyone the best way to dry sheets (Monika Kuszyńska – “In the Name of Love”)
  • Greatest lung capacity: Latvia (Aminata – “Love Injected”)
  • Least effective plea to get someone to think of the children: Romania finishing in 15th place (Voltaj – “De la capat”)
  • Best pas-de-deux involving the Virgin Mary: Warrior Princess: Spain (Edurne -“Amanecer”)
  • Best call to go walk children in nature: Hungary (Boggie – “Wars for Nothing”)
  • Best audition for the part of Zuul in the Ghostbusters reboot: Georgia (Nina Sublatti – “Warrior”)
  • Best eleven o’clock number from Little Red Riding Hood: The Musical!Azerbaijan (Elnur Huseynov – “Hour of the Wolf”)
  • Best performance under duress: Russia (Polina Gagarina – “A Million Voices”)
  • Best rebound from a rough Semifinal performance: Albania (Elhaida Dani – “I’m Alive”)
  • Best distillation of 400 years of Italian opera tradition into a three-minute pop song: Italy (Il Volo – “Grande amore”)
  • Most likely to get there, popular: Sweden
But do hummingbirds even sing?

Eurovision 2014 Superlatives

It’s time once again for us to bestow honor on all of the songs that made it to the Eurovision Song Contest Grand Final this year. Everyone’s a winner, which is good news for France.

  • The “Yay, no rhyming couplets” award: hosts Lise Rønne, Nikolaj Koppel and Pilou Asbæk.
  • Kseniya Simonova award for best use of a gimmick to distract you from a mediocre song: Ukraine (Mariya Yaremchuk – “Tick-Tock”)
  • The Inigo Montoya award for the repeated use of a phrase that does not mean what they think it means: Belarus (Teo – “Cheesecake”)
  • Best tribute to the Big Apple Circus: Azerbaijan (Dilara Kazimova – “Start a Fire”)
  • Funkiest member of Parliament since George Clinton: Óttarr Proppé from Iceland (Pollapönk – “No Prejudice”)
  • The award for what it sounds like when bears cry: Norway (Carl Espen – “Silent Storm”)
  • The Other Svetlana Loboda Award for “more is more” staging: Romania (Paula Seling & Ovi – “Miracle”)
  • Most ironic staging given the song title: Armenia (Aram MP3 – “Not Alone”)
  • Best tourism video for the planet Pandora: Montenegro (Sergej Ćetković – “Moj svijet” )
Sergej Ćetković visits his Na’vi friends
(image from SFT)
  • Most persuasive argument for churning your own butter: Poland (Donatan & Cleo – “My Słowianie – We Are Slavic”)
  • Best representation of our internal monologue when we bake a soufflé: Greece (Freaky Fortune feat. RiskyKidd – “Rise Up”)
  • Best tribute to successful urban planning in Arizona: Austria (Conchita Wurst – “Rise Like a Phoenix”)
  • Best Susan Powter impersonator: Elżbieta from Germany (“Is it right to stop the madness?”) (Elaiza – “Is It Right”)
  • Best Fortress of Solitude: Sweden (Sanna Nielsen – “Undo”)
  • Annual award for most successful theft of France’s thunder: Every participating member of the Eurovision Broadcasting Union except Sweden and Finland (TWIN TWIN – “Moustache”)
  • Best depiction of a bright, beautiful Soviet future: Russia (Tolmachevy Sisters – “Shine”)
  • Fail Caesar award: Italy (Emma – “La mia città”)
  • Best cross between Glinda the Good Witch and Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull: Slovenia (Tinkara Kovač – “Round and Round”)
This plus this equals this
(images from Oz Wikia and Examiner)
  • Act with the best excuse to play hooky from school: Finland (Softengine – “Something Better”)
  • Best Fredi and Friends tribute: Finland
  • Best representation of the plain where the rain mainly falls: Spain (Ruth Lorenzo – “Dancing in the Rain”)
  • Best multitasker: Switzerland (He whistles! He fiddles! He bangs on the drums!) ( Sebalter – “Hunter of Stars”)
  • The “thank god Poland didn’t stage this” award: Hungary (András Kállay-Saunders – “Running”)
  • Second best country song on the night: Malta (Firelight – “Coming Home”)
  • Best depiction of what Smokey Joe’s Cafe would look like if Bruno Mars joined the cast: Denmark (Basim – “Cliché Love Song”)
  • The “Shania Twain wishes she were this authentic” award: Netherlands (The Common Linnets – “Calm After the Storm”)
  • Pluckiest country: plucky little San Marino (Valentina Monetta – “Maybe”)
  • Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber award for best composer cameo: Ralph Siegel, San Marino
  • Amaury Vassili award for wettest squib: United Kingdom (Molly – “Children of the Universe”)
  • Most likely to get there, popular: Austria
Merci, Chérie!

Eurovision 2013 Superlatives

The Eurovision Song Contest is over for 2013, but we like to keep its spirit going a little longer by handing out awards to all of the acts that participated in the Final. We were tempted to expand the Superlatives out to the Semis so we could give Israel the Donny Montell award for best use of a Bedazzler. But considering we were giving out awards to 26 countries and spent hours agonizing over what to give Romania, we thought it was best to stick with the finalists.

Best song cut from Chess: the new Eurovision anthem “We Write the Story”

The annual award for most successful theft of France’s thunder: the Swedish producers (Amandine Bourgeois – “L’enfer et moi”)

Most expressive eyebrows: Lithuania (Andrius Pojavis – “Something”)

Most comprehensive representation of Earth’s four core elements: Moldova (Aliona Moon – “O mie”)

Greatest paragon of restraint and subtlety: Finland (Krista Siegfrids – “Marry Me”)

Worst act to inspire Spain: Dervish, Eurovision 2007 (ESDM – “Contigo hasta el final”)

Best post-performance celebration: Belgium (Roberto Bellarosa – “Love Kills”)

Best use of a shower curtain: Birgit’s dress, Estonia (Birgit – “Et uus saaks alguse”)

Best choreography you can try at home: Belarus (Alyona Lanskaya – “Solayoh”)

Best musical representation of the premise to the sitcom Dharma & Greg: Malta (Gianluca – “Tomorrow”)

Ballsiest performance: Russia (Dina Garipova – “What If”)

We decided to avoid the Rovers reference

#MILFiest performance (or if you watched on BBC One, #M***iest performance): Natalie Horler of Cascada, Germany (Cascada – “Glorious”)

Best voguing: Armenia (Dorians – “Lonely Planet”)

Strike a pose

Best musical representation of the plot to an Alfred Hitchcock movie: Netherlands (Anouk – “Birds”)

The first annual Cezar award for the performance that left us speechless: Romania (Cezar – “It’s My Life”)

Best Journey to the Heaviside Layer: United Kingdom (Bonnie Tyler – “Believe in Me”)

Song Luke Skywalker is most likely to sing to Obi-Wan Kenobi: Sweden (see, because the costumes make them look like they’re on Tattooine… okay, it’s a stretch) (Robin Stjernberg – “You”)

Most sensitive hipster: Hungary (ByeAlex – “Kedvesem (Zoohacker Remix)”)

Best synthesis of Eurovision tropes (tin whistle, drums, bare feet, Azerbaijani shower, confetti, socially conscious lyrics): Denmark – no wind machine, but you don’t want to blow confetti into fireworks showers (Emmelie de Forest – “Only Teardrops”)

Best Viking Jesus: Iceland (Eythor Ingi – “Ég á líf”)

Dreamy, Dreamy Thor

The Kseniya Simonova award for best use of a gimmick to distract you from a mediocre song: Azerbaijan (Farid Mammadov – “Hold Me”)

Song we’re most thrilled our four-year-old likes to sing at school: Greece (Koza Mostra feat. Agathon Iakovidis – “Alcohol Is Free”)

Best song cut from Wicked: Ukraine (Zlata Ognevich – “Gravity”)

Most likely to boil down a Eurovision performance to its essentials: Italy (Marco Mengoni – “L’essenziale”)

Best future Bond movie theme: Norway (Margaret Berger – “I Feed You My Love”)

Biggest Eurogasm: Georgia (Nodi Tatishvili and Sophie Gelovani – “Waterfall”)

Andy Abraham award for entry least deserving of its fate: Ireland (Ryan Dolan – “Only Love Survives”)

Worst Graham Norton prediction: “There must be some nervous people in Ireland, because that could win.”

Most damage to his Eurovision legacy: Eric Saade #awkward

Most likely to get there, popular: Denmark

Eurovision 2012 Superlatives

The Eurovision Song Contest is over for 2012, so it’s time for Eurovision Lemurs to hand out our annual superlatives. To make Tooji feel better, everyone’s a winner tonight.

  • Best use of the pyro Bulgaria ended up not needing for the final: United Kingdom (Engelbert Humperdinck – “Love Will Set You Free”)
  • Best performance by an act you forgot about later: Hungary (Compact Disco – “Sound of Our Hearts”)
  • Best way to order a chai at Starbucks: Albania (Thanks to eurovicious) (Rona Nishliu – “Suus”)
  • Best use of a Bedazzler: Lithuania (Donny Montell – “Love Is Blind”)
  • Best shout out to Alexis Carrington: Bosnia and Herzegovina (Maya Sar – “Korake ti znam”)
  • Most adorable grannies, oh my god they are so fucking CUTE, THEY BAKED COOKIES!!!!!: Russia (Buranovskiye Babushki – “Party for Everybody”)
  • Best use of a Jonsi outside of Sigur Ros: Iceland (Greta Salóme and Jónsi – “Never Forget”)
  • Best tribute to Nomi Malone: Cyprus (Ivi Adamou – “La La Love”)
  • Best tribute to Jane Russell in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes: France (Anggun – “Echo (You and I)”)
  • The annual award for most successful theft of France’s thunder: Italy (Nina Zilli – “L’amore è femmina (Out of Love)”)
  • The Eric Saade Award for most palpable sense of relief at the end of the song: Estonia (Ott Lepland – “Kuula”)
  • Worst birthday present: Tooji from Norway’s last place performance
  • Best continuation of a proud tradition of bombing at Eurovision: Norway (Tooji – “Stay”)
  • Best Hunger Games reference: Azerbaijan’s dress (Sabina Babayeva – “When the Music Dies”)
  • Best musical representation of the premise for The Big Bang Theory: Romania (Mandinga – “Zaleilah”)
  • Best epaulets: Denmark (Soluna Samay – “Should’ve Known Better”)
  • The Svetlana Loboda Award for least subtle sexual innuendo: Greece (Eleftheria Eleftheriou – “Aphrodisiac”)
  • Most likely to get there, popular: Sweden this time
  • Best Hammer dance: Sweden (Loreen – “Euphoria”)
  • Best 38 seconds of work: Sweden’s back-up dancer
  • The First Annual Can Bonomo Award for most bad-ass staging: Turkey (Can Bonomo – “Love Me Back”)
  • The Jóhanna Award for best performance by country that wants to do well without actually winning: Spain (Pastora Soler – “Quédate conmigo”)
  • Biggest Eurogasm: Spain
  • Best song the United Kingdom should have entered: Germany (Roman Lob – “Standing Still”)
  • Biggest hint to the BBC that they should reconsider how they pick their Eurovision entries: Germany for the past three years
  • Most adorable performer who isn’t a Russian granny: Germany
  • Largest, most expressive feet: Malta (Kurt Calleja – “This Is the Night”)
  • Best scream: Macedonia (Kaliopi – “Crno i belo”)
  • Best tribute to Metropolis: Ireland
  • The Amaury Vassili Award for wettest squib: Ireland (Jedward – “Waterline”)
  • Best performance by Eurovision royalty who really deserves a better fate: Serbia (Željko Joksimović – “Nije ljubav stvar”)
  • The Other Svetlana Loboda Award for “more is more” staging: Ukraine (Gaitana – “Be My Guest”)
  • Best impression of the Squirrel Nut Zippers by a Colin Ferrell impersonator: Moldova (Pasha Parfeny – “Lăutar”)

Eurovision Song Contest 2011 Superlatives

The Eurovision Song Contest is over for 2011, so it’s time for Eurovision Lemurs to hand out our superlatives. In the spirit of fair play and all that, everyone’s a winner tonight.

  • Most pinchable cheeks: Finland (Paradise Oskar – “Da Da Dam”)
  • Most SITO: Bosnia & Herzegovina (Dino Merlin – “Love In Rewind”)
  • Worst attack by moths: A Friend In London’s Tim Schou’s shirt, Denmark (A Friend In London – “New Tomorrow”)
  • Best language change: Lithuania (Evelina Sašenko – “C’est Ma Vie”)
  • Most delicious wearable plum tart: Hungary (Kati Wolf – “What About My Dreams?”)
  • Most Jedwardian performance: Ireland (Jedward – “Lipstick”)
  • Most palpable sense of relief at the end of the song: Sweden (Eric Saade – “Popular”)
  • Poorest understanding of Manhattan street names and landmarks: Estonia (Getter Jaani – “Rockefeller Street”)
  • Best save of a really awful song: Greece (Loukas Giorkas – “Watch My Dance”)
  • Most learned rapper: Professor Stereo Mike, Greece
  • Most indulgent performance, Warsaw Pact edition: Russia (Alexey Vorobyov – “Get You”)
  • Wettest squib: France (Amaury Vassili – “Sognu”)
  • Most splenderai! Splenderai! Splenderai!: Italy (Raphael Gualazzi – “Madness of Love”)
  • Best performance by an American actress: Claire Danes, Switzerland (Anna Rossinelli – “In Love for a While”)
  • Worst Graham Norton prediction: “This could be one of the dark horses in the competition” in regards to Switzerland
  • Most indulgent performance, NATO edition: United Kingdom (Blue – “I Can”)
  • Most annoyed that Blue downplayed the “Oooh” in “I Can,” thus depriving him of being able to hand out the Story of Oooh award: this writer
  • Quite maddest performance: Moldova (Zdob şi Zdub – “So Lucky”)
  • Best headwear: Zdob şi Zdub, Moldova
  • Best tribute to Woody Allen’s “Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask)”: Germany (Lena – “Taken By a Stranger”)
  • Most annoyingly chipper performance: (TIE) Romania (Hotel FM – “Change”) & Spain (Lucía Pérez – “Que me quiten lo bailao”)
  • Biggest voice: Austria (Nadine Beiler – “The Secret Is Love”)
  • MILFiest performer: Nikki, Azerbaijan
  • JLOiest performer: Nikki, Azerbaijan
  • Most likely to get there, popular: Azerbaijan, as it turns out (Ell & Nikki – “Running Scared”)
  • Best use of the staging that Azerbaijan should have used for Safura: Slovenia (Maja Keuc – “No One”)
  • Most creepily prescient lyrics: Iceland (Sjónni’s Friends – “Coming Home”)
  • Best Ricky Gervais impersonator: Matti Matt from Sjónni’s Friends, Iceland
  • Best use of a gimmick to distract you from a mediocre song: Sand artist Kseniya Simonova, Ukraine
  • Song most likely to become a “Crystal Light” advertisement: “Angel” by Ukraine’s Queen of Soundtracks, Mika Newton
  • Most distracting LED graphics: Serbia (Nina – “Čaroban”)
  • The Austin Powers Yeah Baby award for swankest performance: Nina, Serbia
  • Most likely to make the Mortal Kombat soundtrack: Georgia (Eldrine – “One More Day”)
  • Most interesting array of noses: Eldrine, Georgia